More Strivings Within

This week has been a good week. Things will be a bit out of order.

I started my Thursday temple shift this week. I just love the temple.

I got to read scriptures with Janet again. We only have one more chapter in the book of Moses, then we're moving onto Abraham. If you haven't read it recently, I would encourage it. There are some great gems in Moses.

Wednesday I was sick of being at home, so I went to the farm for a few hours. I don't think I was helpful in any way. The fresh air was great though.

Tuesday I woke up with a HUGE blister on my hand so that persisted Wednesday and Thursday. I still was able to help in the Baptistry, which I love. I was so tired I came home and took a long nap.

Monday I went and talked with the people who owned the car. They were very nice and concerned about my safety above that of their car. Which was nice of them. Their car is a totaled.

Saturday I went to the barn again and I was able to get some horses out. Because if my 3 shifts at the temple I had to figure out something for my hand. I did! It worked marvelously Friday at the temple and Saturday at the barn.

I was also glad to hang out with Emily. We are horse loving buddies.

(Don't mind my weird face)

We also got to get some horses ready for a ride. That was enjoyable. 

And after SEVEN long months of being home and attending church and still feeling awkward. The last month or so I was recruited into primary to help with singing time. I have been called to teach CTR 5 and I'm SO excited! These valiant spirits are teaching me so much. I made the worst mistake and forgot to bring a snack... haha. They didn't die from starvation as they claimed they would. My lap was quite occupied today as well. I've never seen someone looked so concerned to see if my lap was occupied, before seeing it empty, running back and climbing on me at a very fast speed. I love primary and I'm so excited to work with these kids. Today we did 4 coloring pages during our class. I'm excited for the future. 

Only a Father

After a very great Sunday in Roosevelt and having a prayer answered all through church I didn't think the day could be much better. I had been struggling with recovering from a broken heart. I sincerely wanted to be able to feel the peace only the Savior can give. The healing that only comes from Him. Sunday had not only answered that prayer to be able to heal, but it had given me that peace I was searching for.

It reminded me of the important things in life. We had discussed adversity during church and why we have it, how to face it. I felt so good after church and I'm honestly so glad her family decided to stay all three hours before having a shindig.

Talking about the mission with a great missionary friend was so much fun. I also met some missionaries from the California Riverside mission. A few months prior at a mission homecoming in my own ward, I learned my friends aunt was the mission presidents wife for the Riverside mission. Since that mission is in the same region as my mission, our mission presidents and their wives went to conferences together and knew each other.

My friends mom suggested me and another friend follow each other to Midway. Her friend took the lead and I tried my best to keep up with him, sometimes it was hard but I followed him to Heber.

Let's be honest, the sunset was BEAUTIFUL! (So was the sunrise).

13 miles before Heber there was a thick fog. It was really hard to see through. Only when I turned on the bright lights did I realize it was rain and fog. It cleared up before Heber and passing through sign said it was 39 degrees outside and I thought, "perfect, so nothing is freezing yet."

I continued driving home. Updated my parents while stopped at a red light that I had made it to Heber. Driving around Deer Creek Reservoir there was another thick fog that came, but it wasn't snowing. Not yet anyways.

I was almost to the dam when it happened. It had been snowing maybe five minutes. I thought it was rain. It didn't look like snow on the windshield. The sign said to slow down and I was working in it. The car went a few inches into the inside shoulder. The noise of the tires spinning without traction filled my ears. I tried to get the car back into the safety of my lane. The wheels were already spinning. The car zigzaged between both lanes. The left side of the car hit the inside safety rail.

Thanks to the laws of physics, energy isn't lost, just transferred. So the car headed for the outside safety rail, head on. Mind you, there is a frozen lake on the other side of the safety rail. The car started spinning a few rotations only to be stopped once again by the outside safety rail. This time when the car hit, I noticed all these headlights facing me. The unmistakable noise of metal smashing, the airbags explode.

For me, it wasn't a "Jesus take the wheel" moment. I knew on the other side of that rail was a frozen lake, a little cliff to get to it, and the thing that kept me on the road was a short safety rail. Which my car had just hit twice and was now sliding outwards and backwards against it. For me it was a, "I'm good to go, just not the lake" moment. Spare my parents from the lake.

They say your life flashes before your eyes in scary moments. Time slowed down and sped up. I felt peace. I felt like if I met God, I would be at peace. I wasn't hurt or angry any more. I felt at a good spot.

The car moved, where the inertia came from, only God knows. The car slid back across both lanes to the inside rail and mostly stopped. It turns out even if the car is smoking, and it's all over the road, if you put it in park and turn it off, it can still roll backwards on a relatively flat road. Good thing the emergency brake worked still.

Getting out and seeing the car in pieces and all over the road, I don't know how I was standing. I didn't know how I was alive.

Sorry it is back lit. 

On the tow truck

Don't ask how the hubcap broke

Car parts

I also got to chill out in the back of an ambulance. They do normal things to make sure you aren't dying like blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen levels. They gave me a few weird looks when I was with them. The first came when they told me my blood pressure was 125/80 and I told them that was high. I showed them my blood don't card to back up my statement. But my heart rate was a good 62, which is what it was the week prior. When I'm nervous, I tend to gab. So I talked their ears off and asked them medical questions. I also got to sign a paper that said I didn't want to go to the hospital.

I think the BIGGEST blessing of all is being alive, "after a series of miracles. I honestly don't know how I am alive and walking other than a loving God who answered my prayers many times today. I am glad for the the blessing of being with my family tonight and not in the hospital or at the bottom of a lake. Simple but fervent prayers are answered and although after my experiences today, I would be content with meeting my God I am grateful for my mom's reminder that my work on the earth is not finished. I am glad for the people who stayed with me. I am grateful that when my phone didn't work, someone let me use theirs. I am grateful I was the only one in the car. I am grateful. I am grateful after playing pingpong ball with my car and the safety rails, the rails didn't break. I am grateful the car had airbags and all I have is bruises, and burns. I am grateful for my God who sent people to help me.I am grateful I didn't know what the weather was like in Roosevelt so I took my winter coat. It ended up being a huge blessing after the wreck who's it was snowing outside and I was in shock. He always sends people to help. He always answers our prayers." I stick by this Facebook post.

I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me. I am grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for simplicity.

I am grateful I made it home safe. That's the ultimate goal, to make it back safely home. Both everyday and in the long run. I want to return safely to my Heavenly Father. I'm glad he let me stay on earth a little bit longer.

In the end, the only injuries I know I have is a blister on my hand, a bruise and some scrapes on my left leg, and two bruises on my right leg. All injuries are from the airbags. I am so grateful the airbags deployed.

I am grateful my truck was in the auto repair getting my airbags fixed. I am so grateful.

Only my Father in Heaven could hear and answer my prayers. I know He is always listening to each of us, every time we talk with Him. He loves you. He wants to help you. He wants to bless you. He wants you to return to Him. He is with us in our time of greatest need. He is with us when we feel we don't need Him. He is ALWAYS there. Just as He has been and just as He week continue to be.

Heal

Have you ever thought about the body's ability to heal itself? It's pretty remarkable. This week, I have been reminded that bodies can do amazing things. Warning: somewhat graphic photos.

Only marks from the seatbelt. Night of the crash

Bruises from the airbag.

Bruises and cut from the airbag.

Chemical burn from the airbag.

I think bodies are so cool! Although my legs limited my pant wearing capabilities, they didn't stop me from serving in the temple. I got to wear skirts majority of the week, and it reminded me of being a missionary. 

I am grateful to be alive and walking. 

And so it continues

These past few weeks have been crazy.

One of the staples is my time in the temple.

I really like this quote. Recently I have been thinking a lot about things a lot. When I do this, I tend to start over analyze everything, and usually ends in me feeling inadequate and imperfect. I don't know if others struggle with self love, but I do. The more time I spend in the temple, the better I feel. I feel peace with myself, the world, my life. I feel more patient about things. I feel genuine happiness. I feel like I'm focused on the right things and distractions aren't as distracting. 

Another quite I'm trying to involvement is: The way you feel in the temple is a pattern for how you want to feel in your life - Elder Anderson.

It is true though. I do want my life to feel how I feel when I am in the temple.

Cool experience from when I was in the temple last week. Dawn Armstrong from Meet The Mormons, her son came to the Provo temple and I saw him while I was "on reverent duty." On his way out of the room, he was stopped by a couple and it looked like the son knew the husband. I only heard the first part of the conversation but the man said, "my wife is a convert and really connected with your moms story."

Again I was touched by how aware Heavenly Father is of each of us. He provides these little moments that impact us in a very personal way.

Matthew is my adorable nephew. He goes on dates with me. He has been my Valentine the last 5 years. I am one lucky aunt. This year, we went to the museum of ancient life at thanksgiving point. We had LOADS of fun. I got to remember how much I enjoyed my animal diversity class at BYU.

Janet is a sweet lady who I had been in my neighborhood as long as we have been.  In January I started going and reading scriptures with her. We have two chapters left in the Pearl of Great Price. She is wonderful. She is an honorary grandma.

Tender Mercies

One of the things that Nephi points out in the first chapter of Nephi is "... behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith..."

God is very involved in our lives regardless of if we acknowledge Him or not. This week through my struggles I realized that the world wouldn't end just because I messed up. There were some choice experiences this week.

I have realized recently sharing my testimony makes me happy, so I have been praying for more opportunities to talk with people. On Monday night I was out running some errands before it got too late, and as I was out I realized I was hungry, which wasn't unusual, I had worked all afternoon and I hadn't eaten yet.  I'm standing in a parking lot and one of the nearby places smells really good, so I decided to go in. Upon entering I start talking with the lady behind the counter and talking about my mission. There is one other man inside the food place and after I order, he and I start talking. I learned his brothers had served missions, be was divorced and had 2 kids. He was a truck driver for 8 years, and because of that he knows about LA freeways and the trucker stop of Castaic, California where I served for 3 months. He knows God is mindful of him, even when life is hard. He may not actively participate in a religion, but He knows who he is to God. It was a tender mercy moment for me.

I don't know how Heavenly Father does it, but I am sure grateful. I don't know how he convinces me with food and I meet people, I just know it happens. I don't know how he planned the fact I went to try and buy a dress for the next day and the sizes were all weird.  I spent an hour instead of my anticipated 10 minutes in the store.

Another moment was Friday at the temple. I had assignment on my shift and I started in the Celestial room and a few minutes after I got there, some missionaries entered the room and were signing. They are going to Houston Texas.

Later I was assigned to work in the baptistry and I had finished the work they had for me to do so they told me to check back in in a bit and see if they had more for me to do. I went and asked the assistant shift coordinator if I should go to the veil or in initiatories and she said to check with the initiatory coordinator, and because so many patrons come and participate we were able to open another place for patrons. In the Provo temple they have 6 places they usually do initiatory work, but they have another place where patrons who come for the first time do initiatories. With two sisters and two patrons we went to the additional places and that was special.

While I was there a sister came and said, "We're looking for Amy Roan." and I said, "she wasn't there, but I was Samantha Roan" and she said, "We're looking for you." A deaf couple had come to the temple and I was needed. Earlier in the day I had a feeling I should look into the getting the ASL ordinances passed off and memorized. So I'm a little nervous and I'm taken to the chapel and I meet this sweet couple, welcome them, ask if they want captions or ASL, tell them I'll see them later. A sister I was with then said I should interpret the man who spoke in the chapel, which I did, and I went with them to the room and made sure things went smoothly. Due to them coming I was needed to stay an extra 90 minutes at the temple. I went with the main coordinator and confirmed what I was doing and how I was doing it. I went to help upstairs with patrons until I was needed to meet them again. I wasn't needed for what I was helping with and I had a thought, What about the prayer that is said before I told them I would meet them?  I ask the male coordinator if I could interpret it for the couple and his answer, "I don't see why not." That was this mans answer all night. Can I help the brother just as an interpreter, "I don't see why not." Can I do this, "I don't see why not." It was truly a special experience.

I go to interpret the prayer and I was worried I might have been a few seconds too late to enter the room without disturbing and a man said, "go now, or you'll  miss the opportunity." I entered the room and I didn't get in trouble or interrupt, and it was great. I interpreted the prayer and it was special. I left the room to meet the for the last time and help them, where I originally thought would be the next time I would see them after initially meeting them. It was good. For my first time doing it, it went rather smoothly and I struggled a bit, but I am grateful for the patience of the patrons and other workers at the temple. It is a true group effort.

In December I had gone with a member to the temple from my mission and I saw the struggle as people were trying to communicate but it wasn't really working and everyone was stressed and frustrated. For me I have been wanting to help make sure that this situation doesn't really happen again. I was so grateful for the opportunity to help this couple at the temple, and I was grateful that they came when they needed to, not just on the ASL night. It was good seeing the joy on the mans face as we worked as a team to help with the ordinance.

God knows who we are and where we are. I am certain of this. He will do everything he can to help us, and help us help others. Tender mercies are some of the cherished moments in my life.

We Are Here To Grow

Sometimes I have challenging weeks. This week, would fall into that category. Although I have grown up in the gospel of Jesus Christ and have served a mission sharing this gospel, I sometimes lose perspective and make the wrong choice. By that I mean, I have moments where I doubt my faith before I doubt by doubts.  Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."

Looking back on the month, to my missionary self it would have seemed obvious I was lacking in some areas of living the gospel. It is so important to do the simple things, to read scriptures daily, pray daily, and attend church meetings. I have learned and relearned again and again that daily scripture study in so important and vital to sustained faith. In this world we have agency (the ability to choose) and have choices, so many choices each and every day. Life gets busy and scripture study, for me, seems to get over looked. I don't know why, it is simple, it is easy, all I have to do is set time aside to do it. When this happens in my life I gradually open the door to doubt, and influence of the devil. Day by day, the door opens wider and wider when I don't do these things. The solution to keeping the influence of the devil limited is simple, read the scriptures and pray with faith. Before I know it, I have gone quite a lengthy period of time without reading my scriptures and I look on my life and I recognize that is the solution, but I am slow to act. Why?

Upon studying doubt there are a few stories from the Bible that illustrate well doubt and faith. In Matthew chapter 14 The apostles take Jesus to the other side of the body of water they were at so he could go and pray in the mountains, and while he was away praying, there came a storm and the ship upon the sea was tossed with waves away from the shore, and the wind was blowing (for the wind was contrary). Jesus returning to the ship, walked on water, and the apostles, his beloved disciples, were scared and troubled. They thought they saw a spirit or a ghost and they cried out for fear. But immediately (straightway) Jesus said, "be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid." He comforted them and their fear. Peter responds by saying, "Lord, if it be thou, bid me (invite me) come unto thee on the water." And the Lord responds, "Come." It's always his simple invitation to come unto him. A few chapters before in Matthew 11 he says, "Come unto me, ask ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." He invites us to seek him, to come unto him.

Peter responds to the invitation, "and when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink" Peter was confident in the Lord's invitation, he got out of the ship and started to walk, but when he focused on other things around him, he lost focus on the Savior and was scared and he began to sink. The water wasn't calm, it was in the middle of a storm, the wind was blowing and the waves were probably huge, and Peter begins to sink. But recognizing this, Peter "he cried, saying, Lord, save me." Peter knew the conditions before he stepped out of the boat, he had faith, but he focused on the things around him when the Savior was in front of him and when he had taken steps on the water in the middle of the storm, he doubted." Regardless of this, he still knew who had the power to save him. "And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him," Jesus will always be there for us, especially when the  wind is boisterous and the tempest is raging. "And said unto him (Peter), O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?" The Lord is asking him why he doubted.  I had a companion who pointed out that although the Lord calls him, O thou of little faith, Peter was the only disciple that got out of the boat to go to the Lord. Peter recognized that doubt and immediately called out to the Lord to help him.

Later in the same chapter, it says Jesus and his disciples went to the land of Gennesaret. The people of that land sent for all the diseased to be brought to the Lord. "And besought him that they might only touch the hem of his garment: and as many as touched were made perfectly whole." All they had to do was touch his hem and they were made perfectly whole, not partially, but perfectly whole. It was an individual choice to be healed. The same was the children of Israel after they were bitten by the fiery serpents, all they had to do was look at the serpent of brass that Moses raised up before them, to be healed. Does it seem to simple? Do we have faith in the simple things?

Another story of the faith and doubt relationship is in Matthew 21. Jesus had left the disciples and went into Bethany and stayed the night. In the morning he returned to the disciples in the city and he hungered. He saw a fig tree with no fruit growing on it, but it had leaves, and he commanded the tree to let no fruit grow on it from now for forever, and the tree withered away. In Alma 32 it talks about the fruit of the gospel and producing and partaking of the fruit of the gospel. The disciples marveled at the tree and said, "how soon is the fig tree withered away!" Jesus answers and says, "verily I say unto you, if he have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this (which is done to this fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea;) it shall be done. And all things, whatsoever he shall ask in prayer, believing (or with faith), ye shall receive." So if we have faith, and doubt not, and ask in prayer, anything they ask for with faith or command shall be done. That is a huge promise!

In Mark 9 a father brings his son to Lord to cast out the wicked spirit. The father asks, "but if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us." And Jesus said unto him, "if thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, "Lord, I believe, help thou mine unbelief." I think this is similar to Peter's call when he starts to sink. It all starts with believing. Believing is so important. We have to choose to believe.

In Acts 10 Peter has a trance or vision from the Lord. Peter doubted himself what this vision which he had seen should mean. Three men from Cornelius had come inquiring about Peter, and if he is home. While Peter was thinking on the vision, the Spirit said to him, the men were seeking him. Arise therefore, and get thee down, and go with them, doubting nothing:(why) for I have sent them.  Cornelius had a dream that Peter came to preach the gospel to his house. Cornelius had fasted and prayed, he received directions on where to find Peter from God. He sent immediately for Peter. When Peter arrives at Cornelius' house, Cornelius says, "now therefore are we all here present before God, to hear all things that are commanded thee of God." Peter didn't know the reason Cornelius was inquiring of him, and apostles weren't highly favored at that time, so when people want to hear the gospel I can't imagine the joy and relief he felt. As a missionary I would sometimes worry when people approached us, as it isn't very common. I was happy and relieved when they wanted to have a genuine conversation about God.

As I reflect on the gospel and the influence it is in my life, I wonder why I make the same mistake. Sometimes I start to criticise myself that I should have learned the lesson and remembered it. But I remember I am not perfect, I am here to learn and to grow. God knows I am not perfect, and he will love me always. This week, I made a choice and I thought it was the best choice. After I realized that I had doubted the promptings from God and I was lacking faith. It was a wake up call for me, a compelling to be humble, to give up rebellion, and soften my heart. A realization that I already know with God all things are possible, and I temporarily forgot that. But remembering that, has been a great blessing mixed with a bunch of other feelings. I think mistakes can be good, they can be really really hard, but they help us grow and remember the things that actually matter, remember God has a plan.

In the words of Alma:

And now, my brethren, I would that, after ye have received so many witnesses, seeing that the holy scriptures testify of these things, ye come forth and bring fruit unto repentance.

Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you. Immediately the plan of redemption (the gospel) is brought  unto us as we repent, the moment we start to repent, the Atonement starts to help us.

For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors. Every day we prepare to meet God. Every day is another opportunity to humble ourselves and perform our labors.

And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed. Do not put off repenting, it only limits us and our time to improve on this Earth.

Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.

For behold, if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil, and he doth seal you his; therefore, the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you, and hath no place in you, and the devil hath all power over you; and this is the final state of the wicked. We need the Spirit Of the Lord now more than ever, and when we mess up, it is withdrawn from us. Don't limit yourself to revelation and guidance by the Spirit.

And this I know, because the Lord hath said he dwelleth not in unholy temples, but in the hearts of the righteous doth he dwell; yea, and he has also said that the righteous shall sit down in his kingdom, to go no more out; but their garments should be made white through the blood of the Lamb. He dwells in the hearts of the righteous, He can and will make us clean as we repent and he will fill us with His spirit.

And now, my beloved brethren, I desire that ye should remember these things, and that ye should work out your salvation with fear before God, and that ye should no more deny the coming of Christ; Don't deny Christ and his power to help us in our lives. We have to act in faith to receive the blessings of the gospel. God will help us, but he won't do it for us, but with us.

That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you. Don't argue or rebel against the Spirit, accept it. Accept Christ. Be Humble. Worship God wherever you are. Thank him for the things He blesses your life with. Humility is a great key to growth and relying on God.

Yea, and I also exhort you, my brethren, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing. Prayer is they key, to not be led by temptations, to not be overpowered by the devil, it doesn't give us any good reward. The devil does nothing good for us.

And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them; Be Patient and continue in your trials. Do not judge others, but keep repenting and coming closer to God.

But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions. Have Patience (sometime praying and struggling is the only way), and stick with your load, your trials, with a firm hope (FAITH) that one day you will rest from it all.

Have faith God will help you, be patient that God is working things out for you. Keep going when life seems hard and there seems like no other way. Trust in God, His answers, His promises are sure! God will never lie, deceive or cheat us. He will guide us, protect us, bless us and do everything He can to help us. He wants us to be happy. He is always near us and does hear our prayers. He answers or prayers and sometimes it take time, we need to have patience, I need to have patience. Patience is hard. Remember faith, Believe in God. Remember that in our mistakes we grow. Nothing lasts forever.  In the words of a wise woman on my mission, "and it came it pass, it didn't come to stay."

Adjusting to Non-Missionary Life

One of the frequent questions I get asked is "How are you adjusting?" It is really weird to think that I have been home for more than 3 months. The first month and a half was difficult; School hadn't started and I felt like I had no purpose in life. Now, I feel like I have WAY too much to do and not nearly enough time to do it. The half-way mark of the semester hit last week, and to be honest, I am so grateful. School is HARD. I love school, and I thought I would have an "easy" semester, I would have a lot of spare time and it isn't that way. I still love school, and I don't think I would enjoy this semester as much as I have, if it had been the easy. Same with my mission, I don't know if I would love it or appreciate as much as I do if it were easy.

There are many things that have helped me adjust. The biggest is the temple. I love the temple. Today marks my 2 years of going to the temple. All the changes, experiences, spiritual promptings that have happened these last 2 years - I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for everything that has happened in the last two years. Before the mission I tried to go to the temple often. On the mission, temple trips were limited, but I was so blessed to be able to go. After the mission, the temple is my sanctuary and my foundation of life. I try to go at least once a week. The song that says, "Sweet is the peace the gospel brings," It is SO true.

(Photo cred: Jon Adams)

Another thing that has helped me adjust to non-missionary life is service. Service of others and service for others.

I feel when I serve people, my life might get busier and crazier, but God also helps me organize it and He helps me get so much more done. I feel that has really been these past two weeks. Everything has been go-go-go, there hasn't barely been anytime to breathe, or sleep. My life feels full, I feel happy. I may be tired, but I feel joy. It isn't always the big gestures that make me feel the best either, sometimes the small ones have the biggest impact on me.  One experience from this week is while commuting to Salt Lake daily after school, I usually take some snacks, and one day I had to stop by my house on my way from campus to Salt Lake and I had the thought, "grab some extra food." So I did and I took a different route to Salt Lake then I normally do (due to construction and rush-hour traffic),  and as I got off the freeway there was a man holding a sign that said "Homeless and grateful" and I felt like he was starring straight at me. Then he started to walk toward my car, and I hadn't done anything at this point to signal him to come over. As he was walking I had another thought, "give him some food." It wasn't a gourmet meal, it was some snacks. It was what I had, and I thought about a segment of film from "Two Brothers," a documentary series, in one of the episodes, one of the brothers Luke is on a mission in Cambodia and he talks about how excited he was to eat this rice and he looks down after he gets his bowl of rice and sees a little boy who he didn't know when the last time he ate was, and the fact that Luke was able to know he would have a meal everyday, the boy didn't have that. I think anything helps. Sometimes I get stuck in the mindset, "I am already giving to help the poor and the needy," but then I usually get the thought following, "What more can you give?" Not all situations to help others are ones we see coming. But serving others brings joy to my life.

On the same subject, I am extremely grateful for the people in my life. I am grateful for the people I work with, whom help me finish my job so I can get to class just in time for it to start. I am grateful for my friends who reach out and help, who help last minute with a homework assignment, help me fix my computer from a distance, who see a need and reach out to help. I am grateful for family who brings me stuff at school when I forget it when I leave things at home, let me borrow their cars when mine isn't working properly, and so many other things. I am grateful for my brother who helps me with my homework this semester; He doesn't run away or tell me to leave when I go to his house late at night to finish assignments that are due very soon, He doesn't laugh at me when I am so stressed, tired and sleep deprived that I start to cry on his couch, Who has the patience to explain the same thing over and over until I remember that it is the next step and the happiness, relief, comedic timing of him saying something like, "It only took about 20 times" and knowing full well he would have explained it 20 more times and still had the same reaction.

I am so thankful for experiences that I have had to be where I am today. Not just physically, but emotionally, and spiritually. If any one would have tried to tell me 2 years ago, what I  have been thinking about and experiencing this last month, I probably would have laughed, been super stubborn, and thought you were joking. I know, God knows what is going to make me the happiest, and when I trust Him and ask Him, and follow through on that advice is when am the happiest. Sometimes, He will be saying the same thing again and again and the experiences I have cause me to stop, listen, and realize, "Wait, that is actually what I want." It is humbling, but it also bring me happiness and joy, relieves stress and pressure. It helps me remember God is the biggest supporter for my personal happiness.

Romans 8:31 says, "What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

Another sweet experience from this week was while I was running from work to school. One of the other things am grateful for is covenants and being able to keep covenants. This semester there is this one time - between work and when my class starts where I could potentially choose to not keep covenants because of convenience and time efficiency. Keeping covenants brings blessings, so I rely on this. This week this prayer was answered to not have my ballet class start on time, but  a few minutes late, (when I show up for this class highly effects my grade, so I need to be there before the first combination actually starts)... It was also Heavenly Father dotting some i's and crossing some t's. So when I arrive a girl in my class is telling her engagement story from the night before. I didn't expect that, but I was super grateful. Heavenly Father has a sense of Humor.