daggers

confused? Maybe I should have titled this stabbed in the back. So I got stabbed in the back today by a lot (meaning more then one) of people I trusted, who I thought looked out for me. But I guess sense I graduated high school that changed. But I don't care if I offend them by saying they stabbed me in the back - even if they didn't know they did it. It was a new phrase I learned in my American heritage class at the devil school as they call it (BYU) know as self-interest. I don't want to get into a fight with my boss, because my self-interest as being on good terms with them is way more important then sticking up for an honest real person who has probably saved their butts more times then they can recall.  I got no heads up, I was shafted and drowned. It kills (emotionally) and it happened last night too at a stake youth committee meeting I must be on a new roll (twice in less then twenty four hours). My last year and a half of work down the drain, no respect, no care. But I have trust issues and now I'm more self-conscious. way to be a great leader of Christ, for stabbing me in the back. Half of you I didn't even expect to do it.

On the greatest side of all of this I get to give my Birthday buddy for the past 12 years the first present I've ever given her. (weird). but I'm really excited and I think she'll love it. only have to wait for this 1.5-2 hours and my day will be happy again. I never knew it could turn upside down so shortly (like in a matter of a second, and I yelled at one of my old teachers (who I didn't really like, which had nothing to do with me yelling at them), and I didn't apologize and I don't care.) Sometimes I want to go hide under a rock and not come out. I know I'm not perfect or the perfect disciple of Christ and I'm here to learn. So for right now I think I have a right to act this way.

get to know you

You know those "get to know you" meetings? Well I decided I don't like them because,
1. If I trust a person and tell them stuff, I feel like I'm tearing down the walls I put up.
2. I'm affraid to let people in (remember the blog post about weaknesses and trust issues)

on the bright side if I do end up deciding to move to BYU-I to become a equine vet I can meet some cute cowboys with horses (which hopefully I could get to ride). :-)

On the Down side chemistry homework is getting hard.

great call of awakening

So today I lost my phone in the BNSN building on campus, and I know someone has it because,
1. the triangulation of location keep changing
2. they won't answer

and I also know that tomorrow between say 4-6 thy're going have some nice loud phone alarms go off really loud. like 4-7 of them. So Yeah. that's what they get for taking my phone and not calling and giving it back. just saying.

maybe major?

I think I did a post a couple posts back about horses. I've been looking into it (and with my visit to the counseling/advisement center) one of the options suggested was a vet. did you know you can become and equine vet? like specialize in horses, and in equine neurology? yeah I didn't know that. the problem would be - I would be in school probably 11 years. which means I would have a MD by the time in 28. which isn't too shabby considering most R.M.'s or people in general don't know what they want to do or are just out of college because they want more then a masters. The even worse news would be in order to still have gospel integreted in my classes Id have to go to BYU I. which means I would miss all of the soccer games. I mean I could still watch them on BYU tv. But nothing beats actually being at the game. I don't know what to do in /with my life...
Any Suggestions?

three years

It's been three years since my friend Jordan died. I miss his face, his faith, his example, his friendship, his Christlike love, our late night talks, his optimistic perspective, I miss everything about him. He was a such a great person. He changed my life so much, I couldn't think of where I would be today if I hadn't met him. I know he watches over me, and his family, and friends. Thanks for living so I could met you. Thanks for fighting. Thanks for letting me trust you, for letting me let you in, for always being there for me, for always involving the gospel in life, for letting me let my guard down, for being patient, for not judging me. I can't wait to see you again.

The girls humming Come thou fount of every blessing across from me reminds me of our hymn singing parties.  Thanks for teaching me for a distance. I still have a lot to learn. Thanks for never giving up on helping me iron out the wrinkles with my dad. Like this morning when we didn't fight when I locked the keys in the car and he had to bring them to me, and he was happy to do it, like yesterday when he texted me good luck on my tests, like three years ago august when you were helping me iron out the wrinkles, thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for loving me, and let me love you as a friend. Thanks for constantly being there. Even though I can't see you or hear you I know you're here helping me out. I hope I can be like you, and like Christ. I know you're a great missionary.

an eventful morning

So today I had a class at 8, so i got up at 7 took a shower and wrapped my foot in record time. Then I had 20 to be to class. So when I went to campus the other night of a chem review I found a lot of handicapped parking stalls in the david o mackay building parking lot. which is super close to the JSB and BNSN. So i had my first class in the JSB. So I got to the parking gate (the one where they let you drive west to south to east of campus) and all I had to do was show them my BYU id and my Handicap parking dangley thing. (thanks to the lady who told me it had to be registered in my name at the BYU police station) and they let me right on through. I got to park within a minute walk from my class instead having to make it there from the JKB/Alum building parking lot. and I snagged the last handicap stall.

on the way out of class I went to find my keys. no where to be found. So I walk back to the car and sure thing I left them in the ignition. Way to go me (thankfully I had turned the car off and locked to doors). and Since you can no longer call BYU police to jimmy your car, I called good ole dad. who brought me the spare key (which I had to convince him to bring then and not when my all classes got out later because I don't like carrying around all my books when I can lock them in the trunk and switch them out in between classes). So I got the key. needless to say it only took 3 months 10 days to lock myself out of the car.

first two weeks

I can't believe I've been at BYU for two weeks.  This is crazy. I love it. monday being labor day kinda threw me off schedule this week. and I can say I was late to my first class this morning (only by 2 minutes). but I was still late. I'm really excited for new beginning and foundations at college.
Tonight there is a tail gate party at the young men's presidents house because Marshall (a priest in my ward) is the quarter back for timpview and Bro. stroshine (young mn leader in the ward) is a coach at mountain view and the game is tonight. so we get to party then go to the game for free! :-) it's gonna be a good night.