Sometimes I have challenging weeks. This week, would fall into that category. Although I have grown up in the gospel of Jesus Christ and have served a mission sharing this gospel, I sometimes lose perspective and make the wrong choice. By that I mean, I have moments where I doubt my faith before I doubt by doubts. Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."
Looking back on the month, to my missionary self it would have seemed obvious I was lacking in some areas of living the gospel. It is so important to do the simple things, to read scriptures daily, pray daily, and attend church meetings. I have learned and relearned again and again that daily scripture study in so important and vital to sustained faith. In this world we have agency (the ability to choose) and have choices, so many choices each and every day. Life gets busy and scripture study, for me, seems to get over looked. I don't know why, it is simple, it is easy, all I have to do is set time aside to do it. When this happens in my life I gradually open the door to doubt, and influence of the devil. Day by day, the door opens wider and wider when I don't do these things. The solution to keeping the influence of the devil limited is simple, read the scriptures and pray with faith. Before I know it, I have gone quite a lengthy period of time without reading my scriptures and I look on my life and I recognize that is the solution, but I am slow to act. Why?
Upon studying doubt there are a few stories from the Bible that illustrate well doubt and faith. In Matthew chapter 14 The apostles take Jesus to the other side of the body of water they were at so he could go and pray in the mountains, and while he was away praying, there came a storm and the ship upon the sea was tossed with waves away from the shore, and the wind was blowing (for the wind was contrary). Jesus returning to the ship, walked on water, and the apostles, his beloved disciples, were scared and troubled. They thought they saw a spirit or a ghost and they cried out for fear. But immediately (straightway) Jesus said, "be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid." He comforted them and their fear. Peter responds by saying, "Lord, if it be thou, bid me (invite me) come unto thee on the water." And the Lord responds, "Come." It's always his simple invitation to come unto him. A few chapters before in Matthew 11 he says, "Come unto me, ask ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." He invites us to seek him, to come unto him.
Peter responds to the invitation, "and when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink" Peter was confident in the Lord's invitation, he got out of the ship and started to walk, but when he focused on other things around him, he lost focus on the Savior and was scared and he began to sink. The water wasn't calm, it was in the middle of a storm, the wind was blowing and the waves were probably huge, and Peter begins to sink. But recognizing this, Peter "he cried, saying, Lord, save me." Peter knew the conditions before he stepped out of the boat, he had faith, but he focused on the things around him when the Savior was in front of him and when he had taken steps on the water in the middle of the storm, he doubted." Regardless of this, he still knew who had the power to save him. "And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him," Jesus will always be there for us, especially when the wind is boisterous and the tempest is raging. "And said unto him (Peter), O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?" The Lord is asking him why he doubted. I had a companion who pointed out that although the Lord calls him, O thou of little faith, Peter was the only disciple that got out of the boat to go to the Lord. Peter recognized that doubt and immediately called out to the Lord to help him.
Later in the same chapter, it says Jesus and his disciples went to the land of Gennesaret. The people of that land sent for all the diseased to be brought to the Lord. "And besought him that they might only touch the hem of his garment: and as many as touched were made perfectly whole." All they had to do was touch his hem and they were made perfectly whole, not partially, but perfectly whole. It was an individual choice to be healed. The same was the children of Israel after they were bitten by the fiery serpents, all they had to do was look at the serpent of brass that Moses raised up before them, to be healed. Does it seem to simple? Do we have faith in the simple things?
Another story of the faith and doubt relationship is in Matthew 21. Jesus had left the disciples and went into Bethany and stayed the night. In the morning he returned to the disciples in the city and he hungered. He saw a fig tree with no fruit growing on it, but it had leaves, and he commanded the tree to let no fruit grow on it from now for forever, and the tree withered away. In Alma 32 it talks about the fruit of the gospel and producing and partaking of the fruit of the gospel. The disciples marveled at the tree and said, "how soon is the fig tree withered away!" Jesus answers and says, "verily I say unto you, if he have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this (which is done to this fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea;) it shall be done. And all things, whatsoever he shall ask in prayer, believing (or with faith), ye shall receive." So if we have faith, and doubt not, and ask in prayer, anything they ask for with faith or command shall be done. That is a huge promise!
In Mark 9 a father brings his son to Lord to cast out the wicked spirit. The father asks, "but if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us." And Jesus said unto him, "if thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, "Lord, I believe, help thou mine unbelief." I think this is similar to Peter's call when he starts to sink. It all starts with believing. Believing is so important. We have to choose to believe.
In Acts 10 Peter has a trance or vision from the Lord. Peter doubted himself what this vision which he had seen should mean. Three men from Cornelius had come inquiring about Peter, and if he is home. While Peter was thinking on the vision, the Spirit said to him, the men were seeking him. Arise therefore, and get thee down, and go with them, doubting nothing:(why) for I have sent them. Cornelius had a dream that Peter came to preach the gospel to his house. Cornelius had fasted and prayed, he received directions on where to find Peter from God. He sent immediately for Peter. When Peter arrives at Cornelius' house, Cornelius says, "now therefore are we all here present before God, to hear all things that are commanded thee of God." Peter didn't know the reason Cornelius was inquiring of him, and apostles weren't highly favored at that time, so when people want to hear the gospel I can't imagine the joy and relief he felt. As a missionary I would sometimes worry when people approached us, as it isn't very common. I was happy and relieved when they wanted to have a genuine conversation about God.
As I reflect on the gospel and the influence it is in my life, I wonder why I make the same mistake. Sometimes I start to criticise myself that I should have learned the lesson and remembered it. But I remember I am not perfect, I am here to learn and to grow. God knows I am not perfect, and he will love me always. This week, I made a choice and I thought it was the best choice. After I realized that I had doubted the promptings from God and I was lacking faith. It was a wake up call for me, a compelling to be humble, to give up rebellion, and soften my heart. A realization that I already know with God all things are possible, and I temporarily forgot that. But remembering that, has been a great blessing mixed with a bunch of other feelings. I think mistakes can be good, they can be really really hard, but they help us grow and remember the things that actually matter, remember God has a plan.
In the words of Alma:
And now, my brethren, I would that, after ye have received so many witnesses, seeing that the holy scriptures testify of these things, ye come forth and bring fruit unto repentance.
Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you. Immediately the plan of redemption (the gospel) is brought unto us as we repent, the moment we start to repent, the Atonement starts to help us.
For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors. Every day we prepare to meet God. Every day is another opportunity to humble ourselves and perform our labors.
And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed. Do not put off repenting, it only limits us and our time to improve on this Earth.
Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.
For behold, if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil, and he doth seal you his; therefore, the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you, and hath no place in you, and the devil hath all power over you; and this is the final state of the wicked. We need the Spirit Of the Lord now more than ever, and when we mess up, it is withdrawn from us. Don't limit yourself to revelation and guidance by the Spirit.
And this I know, because the Lord hath said he dwelleth not in unholy temples, but in the hearts of the righteous doth he dwell; yea, and he has also said that the righteous shall sit down in his kingdom, to go no more out; but their garments should be made white through the blood of the Lamb. He dwells in the hearts of the righteous, He can and will make us clean as we repent and he will fill us with His spirit.
And now, my beloved brethren, I desire that ye should remember these things, and that ye should work out your salvation with fear before God, and that ye should no more deny the coming of Christ; Don't deny Christ and his power to help us in our lives. We have to act in faith to receive the blessings of the gospel. God will help us, but he won't do it for us, but with us.
That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you. Don't argue or rebel against the Spirit, accept it. Accept Christ. Be Humble. Worship God wherever you are. Thank him for the things He blesses your life with. Humility is a great key to growth and relying on God.
Yea, and I also exhort you, my brethren, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing. Prayer is they key, to not be led by temptations, to not be overpowered by the devil, it doesn't give us any good reward. The devil does nothing good for us.
And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them; Be Patient and continue in your trials. Do not judge others, but keep repenting and coming closer to God.
But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions. Have Patience (sometime praying and struggling is the only way), and stick with your load, your trials, with a firm hope (FAITH) that one day you will rest from it all.
Have faith God will help you, be patient that God is working things out for you. Keep going when life seems hard and there seems like no other way. Trust in God, His answers, His promises are sure! God will never lie, deceive or cheat us. He will guide us, protect us, bless us and do everything He can to help us. He wants us to be happy. He is always near us and does hear our prayers. He answers or prayers and sometimes it take time, we need to have patience, I need to have patience. Patience is hard. Remember faith, Believe in God. Remember that in our mistakes we grow. Nothing lasts forever. In the words of a wise woman on my mission, "and it came it pass, it didn't come to stay."
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